@unboundlibrarian on white supremacy, the professionalism myth + OnlyFans
@unboundlibrarian is a mother, mindfulness teacher, librarian and OnlyFans content creator. She has created community and library programs in the Los Angeles area for over a decade.
MA: I’m so excited to chat with you! You have nearly 14,000 followers across Instagram and Tik Tok and I love how you use your platforms to support programs you are doing in real life. How did you get started on social media?
UL: Thank you - I’m excited to chat with you, too. I’ve thought about submitting something to up//root before, but it was cool that you reached out to me directly!
In terms of social media, my Instagram account started with a goal of connecting 50 or so like minded librarians so we could pool and share resources. It started during COVID when we were physically disconnected, but digitally more connected than ever.
I created a Tik Tok account partly because a friend kept suggesting I should, and I would respond with: “Who wants to see me? I’m a 40 year old mother of three.”
One day I had an amazing library program, and it was a huge ordeal. It was a Drag Queen Storytime, which caused controversy, and I was so stressed about it. But it ended up being a huge success, we had over 100 people in attendance, I was on cloud nine. I felt like I was floating on air and I just wanted to capture this moment. I made an account, recorded myself doing this catwalk in the library, and then I posted it.
While I’m very outspoken, I’m rather shy in front of the camera. So I kept sharing outfits as a way to get comfortable. And one day a video blew up. This 5 second catwalk video received over 100,000 views and I was like “What is going on?”
The post was filled with comments about the way I looked, and people kept asking me if I had an OnlyFans. At home, I’m a single parent running ragged. I’m not concerned with how people perceive me. I was shocked by the response, I still am.
MA: That’s so wild! What did you say to people asking you to make an OnlyFans?
UL: I was like, well, I don’t have one but I am raising money to buy books for underserved kids. If you want to give me money, you can do that. I’ll consider the OnlyFans and if I ever make one, I’ll let you know. That’s how it started.
MA: Wow, that’s so funny it happened that way. I know you hosted a free book fair last summer, is that where you got the idea?
UL: Actually yes, a book fair wasn’t my original idea. It became a possibility after I started crowd sourcing funds on my social media. I was taken back by the response, but I saw this as an opportunity for good. Men were begging to throw money my way, so why not take it?
My goal was just $500, and then my first donation was $200 and that was when I was like “Oh…I gotta think bigger.” I got several thousand dollars, and then I started getting book donations.
I created an Amazon wish list of diverse books, primarily featuring Black authors and characters and the book fair snowballed into something bigger than I was prepared for. I tried to partner with a local school district but they wanted nothing to do with me. Suddenly I found my home filled with books, with nowhere to go. I reached out to two equally passionate colleagues for assistance and we were able to partner with the African Village Vendors Association to host the event.
MA: That’s probably one of the most unique program origin stories I’ve heard in a while. How did it go?
UL: It was amazing. It was the Shelf-Love Free Book Fair in Leimert Park, a neighborhood in South Central Los Angeles. I did it to reach underserved and underrepresented Black communities.
The book fair was inspired both by my experience as a librarian and my own childhood. I taught myself how to read by reading cereal boxes, shampoo bottles, and church bulletins over and over again because I didn’t have access to books. At school I dreaded Scholastic Book Fairs because I never had the funds to purchase anything. I thought: what if I created a book fair where children could select books without it being tied to monetary means? What if I gave them the power of choice?
MA: That means a lot to me too because I do remember feeling absolutely awful as a kid whenever Scholastic Book Fairs came around because I couldn’t afford to buy anything. How does it feel to pay it forward as a librarian?
UL: That event filled me with so much joy, it almost felt selfish. It showed that kindness is contagious and generosity fuels joy and happiness. The people who donated felt good, it was so incredibly healing to my inner child, we were all so happy to help. The community was in disbelief. The tables were filled with over 300 brand new books with characters that represented their community and their culture.
We had pencils, bookmarks, stickers, erasers, bubbles, candy, and a Storytime with a backpack giveaway. People were approaching the table with apprehension, but once a crowd formed there was so much comradery and excitement. Children were jumping with joy, adults were excited, they kept asking when we would be hosting again. One mom in particular stood out to me - she commented that her son is an avid reader, but at $15 a book, she can't afford to buy them often. They arrived towards the end of the book fair, and her son ended up taking entire series of books. He kept saying “Really?! I can really have them?!”
It wasn’t until after the book fair when a friend commented, “These kids will likely remember this day for the rest of their lives,” that I realized how impactful the event was. It was a tremendous amount of work physically and emotionally. At times it forced me to look back on my own childhood in a way that would bring me to tears. Despite the difficulty, it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. The kindness and generosity of others was overwhelmingly appreciated. Honestly, I wish I could host book fairs for a living. I loved doing it. Hard parts and all.
I had the intention to continue hosting them, but honestly it was too much work to be ongoing. I’m a single mother of three, I was enrolled in a program at UCLA, and I have a fulltime job. I knew realistically this could only be a once a year event. Currently I still collect books from my wish list to create penalty free lending libraries in elementary school classrooms. But the book fair was the highlight of my career, it forced me to prove to myself what I’m capable of. The library has often served as an obstacle to reach this community, having the freedom to explore ideas and partnerships without the bureaucracy is what made the program truly successful
MA: That sounds amazing. What do you mean when you say the library has served as an obstacle in effort to serve Black communities?
UL: Library administration often has this white middle-class idea of what a library should be and that gets in the way. Early in my career I worked at a library in a Black community, and it was always empty. To admin, the circulation stats are never high enough, the program attendance isn’t good enough and it's like yeah, but these are also the most understaffed and underfunded libraries. They’re not examining the causation.
I’m a natural data collector, I observe, engage, and ask questions to build my knowledge. We were right across the street from this elementary school, and kids would hang out outside the library, but they wouldn’t come inside. There was one kid in particular who I would have long conversations with. He would tell me what was going on in the neighborhood, what he and his friends enjoy, he was the gateway to my gaining access to the neighborhood kids. I realized these kids just wanted to use the computer! So I thought, why don't I create a library program where they can play games with each other, and they have access to the lab with no adults telling them to be quiet. I asked my supervisor for approval, and that’s when the bureaucracy began getting in the way.
MA: Ah, I’ve heard this story before. Libraries can have so much red tape it’s hard to do anything innovative or different.
UL: Yes, exactly -and then they came back to me and said “Why don’t you make it a typing workshop?” and I’m like no! These kids don’t want to learn how to type at the library - they will naturally learn how to do that while playing together.
We can offer them an opportunity to socialize, and build positive relationships. But on a statistical form, which is how we measure impact, the library wasn’t interested. We get so stuck on these numbers, and it removes the impact. You can’t measure social-emotional impact with statistics.
MA: It sounds like a serious disconnect between library leadership and what communities actually need.
UL: Definitely. It takes time to build trust. At a different library, my Storytimes had zero to two people attending. It was around the time Trump was running for president and undocumented people were under attack. I did an analysis of underserved communities and I started reaching out to recently immigrated mothers at a preschool nearby. I casually started conducting outreach and connected by sharing my own experiences, I told them ‘My parents used to be undocumented. The library changed my life. Please come by.’
Then it became four people, and then eight people. It kept growing, but I had to build that trust first.
I started teaching them what to do if they are confronted with an Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officer. My supervisor wouldn’t allow me to conduct programs for immigrants program, so I would do Storytimes, and then the last portion of it when the kids were playing, I would show them this video of what to do if an ICE officer showed up to their door.
Then I got information from free immigration lawyers, and together we made immigrant resource information packets. I told the attendants “Look, I cannot reach your community like you can.” Many people were living in hiding, not leaving their homes in fear of being picked up by ICE officers. I handed them these pamphlets to share with her community and it just started growing and growing.
When it reached a recurring audience of 24 people, I created a Mother’s Day Fiesta to celebrate them for all they did to help make this program a success and kick off Summer Reading. I went door-to-door to local business and community organizations and asked for donations and participation. We received food donations, flowers, prizes, and hosted information booths from various free community groups. Then on a Tuesday at noon, much to my surprise, there were 140 people lined up to get in. At the next program there were 300, and in a span of 8 weeks, there were nearly 2,000 attendees.
But I couldn’t even really enjoy the success because I was beginning to realize the library was becoming an obstacle to reaching underserved communities. I struggled with my supervisor every step of the way. This was my first recollection that my work was being surveilled. That my conversations were being reported. It was a really difficult experience. But once word spread of the attendance, then it was publicly praised. The PR team wanted to hear about it. I received an award from the City of Los Angeles for it, because all of a sudden, the numbers made it impactful.
MA: That’s an amazing program success story, but it’s so frustrating how little support you get from your colleagues. Do you also get push back from your online presence? How do you balance the demands of “professionalism” and the "sexy librarian persona?
UL: Look - “professionalism” is a codeword for white supremacy. Let me make that perfectly clear. It is not only rooted in racism, it is sexist, classist, I won’t stand for it. In order to be “professional” people from diverse backgrounds are expected to conform to white middle-class standards. I don’t play that game.
What makes me an outstanding librarian is my ability to be myself, accept myself, love myself, and open myself to see and hear others in their own authenticity. The reason I am able to create dynamic programming is because I build trust, I lead with compassion, and I know that I don’t know what I don’t know. I let my community be my guide and I do what is within my power to provide them with the resources and support they need to empower themselves.
In terms of my “sexiness,” I wear what I feel comfortable wearing. Some days it’s a dress and heels, some days it’s t-shirt and jeans, some days it’s my workout clothes. I get sexualized regardless of what I wear, I assure you that. I’m not going to live my life concerned with how people will judge me.
In the beginning of my career I wore what I thought was “professional.” Blouses, slacks, sensible shoes, etc. Guess what? It didn’t stop men from sexually harassing me. Ironically enough, once I started being more comfortable being myself, what other people would describe as “sexy,” the sexual harassment tapered down. Now that I’ve stepped into my power, my confidence is undeniable, I exude strength.
Do I get pushback? As far as I know, there is no written dress code. I have never been asked to dress differently.
MA: Yes to all of this! I agree professionalism makes us suppress our natural selves, as an extension of white supremacy in the workplace. But, I’m loving that you live on your own terms regardless - is that how you came up with your Instagram username? What does ‘unbound librarian’ mean to you?
UL: Yes! For me ‘unbound’ is without restraint. Without conformity to what is traditionally expected. It’s about innovation, creativity, and exploration.
There’s a huge misconception about what librarians actually do. People are often surprised we have a degree, there’s an assumption that we “read all day.” For me librarianship is about social justice. What I love about librarianship is that we have some liberty to mold it to what we would like to see in our communities. But what I found in my career over the last decade is that my point of view is in the minority. I’m an outsider within an institution that was founded on, and upholds white supremacy.
MA: That’s really powerful, especially considering how little people know about librarians. Does your Instagram page help you build community with other librarians?
UL: During COVID, I began attending small Zoom gatherings of subversive librarians of color and for the first time realized I wasn’t alone in my sentiments. These communities validated my experiences I didn’t even have the words for. Microaggressions, gaslighting, gatekeeping, if forced me to look back and re-examine experiences where my knowledge was trivialized, invalidated, and suppressed. It helped me find my voice and my desire to help others find theirs.
Prior to starting the page I wasn’t a big fan of social media, to a certain degree I’m still not. But I continue to put in the effort because I know it’s helping others. I’ve received so many messages, and I've run into people in person who have told me how much I have helped them. For librarians of color, librarianship can be an incredibly toxic and harmful work environment. If I can help validate feelings, mitigate trauma, and hold space for healing, it is a well worth venture.
MA: Amen to that. I’ve heard too many stories of toxic workplaces from other librarians of color, and it’s beautiful see you have created healing spaces with your platform. How did you start incorporating mindfulness into your everyday life?
UL: Last year I completed a program at UCLA to teach mindfulness and created a curriculum to teach children of color mindfulness to help mitigate and heal racial trauma. I’m working with an educator to conduct Mindfulness Storytimes and create penalty free lending libraries for their classrooms.
Mindfulness teaches us to examine our thoughts and emotions with curiosity and helps foster a positive relationship with ourselves and our environment. The goal is to teach children experiencing intersecting systems of oppression that they are inherently worthy. That they were born worthy and no matter how much society or the people in their lives would like to teach them they are less than, they know this cannot be true
I want to help these children build an internal validation system so they don't unwittingly become agents of their own oppression. Rather they build the strength to resist and influence change.
MA: That’s amazing - how can we support your Mindfulness Storytimes, and other projects you have going on?
UL: Book donations are highly appreciated, they keep me motivated to keep pushing forward. I’m still collecting books for kids via my Amazon wishlist which is linked on my Instagram bio @unboundlibrarian.
I’m also really proud of my OnlyFans @librarianspice. It’s not the type of content one would expect, I really tailored it to who I am. It’s an extension of my social media, an exploration of my sensuality with more visual and auditory content. Apparently I have a sultry voice. It’s been an empowering and healing journey of sensual exploration without explicit content.
MA: People do have one idea about OnlyFans, and I’m glad to hear that creating content is an empowering experience for you. How else has joining the platform impacted you?
UL: Librarianship isn’t a liveable wage for me. 50% of my income goes to housing alone. I’m able to survive, but not thrive on that income. OnlyFans has afforded me the disposable income to live a better life. It’s given me and my family the resources to take care of our physical and emotional well-being.
My work environment is extremely stressful, and at times downright dangerous. I now have the income to de-stress and live a better standard of living.
OnlyFans allows me to own and create nearly any content I wish. I’m certainly not for everyone. I’m far left from what traditional OnlyFans content is. Early on I set clear boundaries and established a specific type of clientele.
Someone that could appreciate me for my intellect as well as my internal and external beauty. I think the wholeness of me is what makes me attractive. My physicality is always changing, but my commitment to growth and the betterment of society is what I think makes me truly beautiful. The fanbase I have built, and those that actively follow me have been overwhelmingly kind and supportive.
MA: Even though librarianship (or any profession for that matter) should pay enough for people to have a living wage, I am so happy to hear you have found how to support your family by expressing yourself in ways you feel empowered by. You really are unbound - living without restraint or conformity, no matter how hard it gets to do so.
UL: Living in my authenticity has never been easy but it continues to move me in the direction of the spaces that fuel my passion, creativity, and a sense of belonging.
MA: Epic. We leave to hear it. We can just end right here.